COMMUNICATION - AKA EMERGENCY TOILET PAPER
MANIFESTO FOR SUNDERLAND SOUTH 2005
institute Red/White striped zebra crossings so as to
promote Sunderland and not Newcastle.
The metro line will be extended to
incorporate East End, Hendon, Grangetown and Ryhope.
We'll build a second
duplicate Wear Bridge alongside the first, so one can be
in use while the other is always under repair, thereby
resolving the traffic jams getting into the city at 'rush
|Sunderland Royal Hospital
will be required to provide valet parking, so you can
actually get to your outpatient appointments on time
without needing a friend to play 'car park merry-go-rounds'
for an hour.
combat the MRSA problem we'll improve on the alcohol hand
lotions available at SRH. We'll install visitor dips and
staff dips at the entrances. Additionally we'll employ K9
from Dr Who to patrol the wards looking for stray MRSA
We'll also get a head
start on the rest of the country by researching ways to
to put Hendon & the East End back on the map by
printing new maps of Sunderland with Hendon & East
End in bold type. Alternatively we could rename High
Barnes 'Hendon' and Roker 'The East End'.
Slum landlords will be forced to
live in their empty properties so as to ensure reasonable
standards are maintained and areas less likely to become
to bring skating back to Sunderland by building a new Ice
& Roller Skating Rink on half of the Bridges rooftop
car park with parking for patrons on the remainder .
|Mackem to be registered
as a national language, with school courses in the
fashions should be recognized by Europe as a local dress,
similar to Swiss alpine horn yodellers and German knee
slappers. In accordance with this plan they will thereby
be known as 'Mackem Horny Charva Slappers'.
|Customs stations should
be built at entry points into Sunderland and Geordies to
be required to have up to date vaccinations and entry
Charvas to be
corralled in South Hylton Park with electric fences built
around it. Nature spotting river cruises can then be
organized to sail to this point, thereby regenerating
interest in the now defunct Wear River Cruises.
|I will defend this city
from all enemies both foreign and Geordie (although I do
appreciate Geordies are really foreigners).
|Tesco will only to be
allowed to build on the old Vaux site provided they make
the site three tiered and not two. The third level will
contain a local brewery together with horse and dray
"Pleasure" Beach is to be twinned with 'Blackpool'
to ensure a higher quality resort. Hot Dog stands (heated
kennels) will be introduced to prevent pooches freezing
appendages to lampposts in winter.
Mowbray Park to be geodesically
domed to give us our own northern Kew gardens crossed
with the Eden project.
|The Civic Centre eyesore
building should be demolished and rebuilt in the ancient
Celtic style of Braveheart, with traditional peat roofs
and peat bogs surrounding it. Councillors will thereby be
required to go outside for the bog.
|The Royal Mail package
collection office should have a collection loading bay
outside , requiring traffic wardens to pop their head
inside the door to ask who owns a car parked there.
Additionally a French style guillotine could be installed
in the doorway.